These Phrases from A Parent Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who continue to absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a break - taking a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."